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quiero tiempo...
1 min read
I want time to go somewhere and use my brilliant new camera. i was just on vacation but unfortunately (due to reasons I shall not mention because I am still quite bitter on the subject) its the end of spring break for me and my nikon D5000 has pictures of my cat and dog on it. How boring.
Small town boringness sucks.
Help!
Small town boringness sucks.
Help!
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I want you to want me [December 9th 2008]
I want you to want me, six simple words, one primal line of a song, more recently becoming abolishing and heartbreaking. Words that are gradually forming a dictatorship over my life. Always taking effect in the wrong moments and with the wrong people. If I could have chosen, these wouldn't have been the words to rule my life.
Love, feelings, come and go like the wind or even a snow storm. God seems to have set out a plan for everyone on this Earth and its our job to discover it. I believe he's created a perfect person for everyone he's given the path of marriage to, our other half. He's constantly giving us subtle hints of who these people are but the trouble is picking up on the clues. Once you discover the hints, the puzzle becomes the mystery itself, determining the meaning behind them. God seems to like being ambiguous. Everything he does is so difficult to take meaning from because its all such ordinary day matter. Picking the right college, forming the right relationships, being in the right co-curriculars. He's giving us these options to see if we will be lead to our true love. It would be too simple for him to put out big road signs to point us in the right direction.
This is how in my life, 'I want you to want me', is being played out. There are these individuals out there that are constantly and persistently letting you know they want you. Sometimes they want you for the correct motives but for me, primarily, its been for the corrupt. On occasion you think you want this person back even though you know its wrong, its convenient. Then there's the situation of you wanting someone more than you've ever wanted anyone else. You're heart is telling you that this person is your version of perfect. The conundrum here, you sit waiting in suspense for this person but they don't even notice you breathing the same air. Another scenario, you both are aware that you want them but they simple do not have the feelings to match yours. You know it will hurt if you stay around and cope with the pain but you also fathom the anguish that would come with walking away and never turning back. Against your friends advice you stick it out. Now there's that silent begging, always asking them, 'Why can't you want me like I do you?' Friendship is never enough and observing their countless relationships practically kills you but you're addicted to their air, you could drown without them. My last and prime example is when you have mutual feeling, perfect right? Wrong, classic Romeo and Juliet story, there's something in your way. Distance, money, class, parents, age, the list is endless. In this situation I constantly ask myself, 'Am I suppose to overcome these obstacles or is God really trying to tell me this isn't my soul mate?' When we feel as if we've gotten it correct this time are we suppose to depend on God to congratulate us for winning this game and let him take control? Or does he want us to thank him and do whatever possible, even if the means overcoming the impossible, to be with this person?
'I want you to want me', convenient, anguishing, and sometimes mutual but always applicable in some way, shape, or form. I just want to know when this wanting is going to become something different, something easier to handle. Maybe Cheap Trick knows the answer......
Quote about love [January 18 2009]
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman
I found this quote while I was trying to look up some Unit Circle memorization tips.. intriguing, I know but when I read this one, it really struck me. The way that this has been worded has blown me away. It's so descriptive yet so simple and obvious. Haha, I don't hate love but it brings out some good, important points on how love makes people feel.
Time to write... [February 9 2009]
So, I've actually finished all of my homework for the night and have a little time to write something without any avoidance involved. : ]
I was reading a book earlier and an interesting topic came up; we accept the love that we think we deserve. I found that very intriguing because that seems to be the case with relationships I've encountered and some relationships I'm in. After observing people that are in relationships involving a significant other, I've noticed that the majority of the time one of them is only with that person because they feel that they deserve love in that quantity. In no means am I saying that the relationship is wrong (unless of course there is some sort of abuse taking place) but after reading the passage, I came to see that we really are convinced that there is only a certain level of happiness we are allowed to obtain. Its like we're punishing ourselves for wrongdoings that have added up over the years. Involving friendships, some of us allow ourselves to be taken from until the point where we can't possibly give anymore but the friend is still wanting more out of you. And for some odd reason, we think that this is real friendship, being walked over and treated like dirt.
Killing tomato plants [August 4th 2009]
Soooo to catch everyone up.. my parents and brother left for camping Sunday afternoon. Ever since then my lovely house full of crazy animals and a jungles worth of plants has been driving me crazy. I figured as much with the animals.. we have enough of them to deal with so I figured (like it always has been when I've been home alone) me being the only one here to take care of them would be a pain in the butt but what I did not realize was how many vegetable plants and flowers my mother and father have. Instead of the usual, "Now don't have any parties when we leave" speech I received the, "This pepper plant only needs half a watering can's worth of water," and "This tomato plant needs three buckets of water, two in the morning and one at night," talk. One tomato plant was already dead before they left and looking around at the others I figured I had a pretty good handle on everything. This morning at whatever time my lovely dogs woke me up I stepped outside and my eyes widened in horror when I discovered my father's prized tomato plant sagging to the ground. I panicked and rushed to the hose and filled up the watering can. This was the moment in which I felt like the babysitter that somehow forgot to feed the youngest child and needed to make something happen before the parents came home and convince the kid not to tell them what had happened. No my parents are not coming home today but plants take a ton more convincing than children (or so I can imagine). I force fed the plant two buckets of water and watched with hopeful eyes that someone or something would magically straighten up the plant and put me back at ease.
No such luck... so until this happens anyone with some kind of tomato plant advice feel free to comment, call, text, stop by I'll be home sitting in my driveway staring at this plant until it's lifelessness disappears.
I want you to want me, six simple words, one primal line of a song, more recently becoming abolishing and heartbreaking. Words that are gradually forming a dictatorship over my life. Always taking effect in the wrong moments and with the wrong people. If I could have chosen, these wouldn't have been the words to rule my life.
Love, feelings, come and go like the wind or even a snow storm. God seems to have set out a plan for everyone on this Earth and its our job to discover it. I believe he's created a perfect person for everyone he's given the path of marriage to, our other half. He's constantly giving us subtle hints of who these people are but the trouble is picking up on the clues. Once you discover the hints, the puzzle becomes the mystery itself, determining the meaning behind them. God seems to like being ambiguous. Everything he does is so difficult to take meaning from because its all such ordinary day matter. Picking the right college, forming the right relationships, being in the right co-curriculars. He's giving us these options to see if we will be lead to our true love. It would be too simple for him to put out big road signs to point us in the right direction.
This is how in my life, 'I want you to want me', is being played out. There are these individuals out there that are constantly and persistently letting you know they want you. Sometimes they want you for the correct motives but for me, primarily, its been for the corrupt. On occasion you think you want this person back even though you know its wrong, its convenient. Then there's the situation of you wanting someone more than you've ever wanted anyone else. You're heart is telling you that this person is your version of perfect. The conundrum here, you sit waiting in suspense for this person but they don't even notice you breathing the same air. Another scenario, you both are aware that you want them but they simple do not have the feelings to match yours. You know it will hurt if you stay around and cope with the pain but you also fathom the anguish that would come with walking away and never turning back. Against your friends advice you stick it out. Now there's that silent begging, always asking them, 'Why can't you want me like I do you?' Friendship is never enough and observing their countless relationships practically kills you but you're addicted to their air, you could drown without them. My last and prime example is when you have mutual feeling, perfect right? Wrong, classic Romeo and Juliet story, there's something in your way. Distance, money, class, parents, age, the list is endless. In this situation I constantly ask myself, 'Am I suppose to overcome these obstacles or is God really trying to tell me this isn't my soul mate?' When we feel as if we've gotten it correct this time are we suppose to depend on God to congratulate us for winning this game and let him take control? Or does he want us to thank him and do whatever possible, even if the means overcoming the impossible, to be with this person?
'I want you to want me', convenient, anguishing, and sometimes mutual but always applicable in some way, shape, or form. I just want to know when this wanting is going to become something different, something easier to handle. Maybe Cheap Trick knows the answer......
Quote about love [January 18 2009]
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman
I found this quote while I was trying to look up some Unit Circle memorization tips.. intriguing, I know but when I read this one, it really struck me. The way that this has been worded has blown me away. It's so descriptive yet so simple and obvious. Haha, I don't hate love but it brings out some good, important points on how love makes people feel.
Time to write... [February 9 2009]
So, I've actually finished all of my homework for the night and have a little time to write something without any avoidance involved. : ]
I was reading a book earlier and an interesting topic came up; we accept the love that we think we deserve. I found that very intriguing because that seems to be the case with relationships I've encountered and some relationships I'm in. After observing people that are in relationships involving a significant other, I've noticed that the majority of the time one of them is only with that person because they feel that they deserve love in that quantity. In no means am I saying that the relationship is wrong (unless of course there is some sort of abuse taking place) but after reading the passage, I came to see that we really are convinced that there is only a certain level of happiness we are allowed to obtain. Its like we're punishing ourselves for wrongdoings that have added up over the years. Involving friendships, some of us allow ourselves to be taken from until the point where we can't possibly give anymore but the friend is still wanting more out of you. And for some odd reason, we think that this is real friendship, being walked over and treated like dirt.
Killing tomato plants [August 4th 2009]
Soooo to catch everyone up.. my parents and brother left for camping Sunday afternoon. Ever since then my lovely house full of crazy animals and a jungles worth of plants has been driving me crazy. I figured as much with the animals.. we have enough of them to deal with so I figured (like it always has been when I've been home alone) me being the only one here to take care of them would be a pain in the butt but what I did not realize was how many vegetable plants and flowers my mother and father have. Instead of the usual, "Now don't have any parties when we leave" speech I received the, "This pepper plant only needs half a watering can's worth of water," and "This tomato plant needs three buckets of water, two in the morning and one at night," talk. One tomato plant was already dead before they left and looking around at the others I figured I had a pretty good handle on everything. This morning at whatever time my lovely dogs woke me up I stepped outside and my eyes widened in horror when I discovered my father's prized tomato plant sagging to the ground. I panicked and rushed to the hose and filled up the watering can. This was the moment in which I felt like the babysitter that somehow forgot to feed the youngest child and needed to make something happen before the parents came home and convince the kid not to tell them what had happened. No my parents are not coming home today but plants take a ton more convincing than children (or so I can imagine). I force fed the plant two buckets of water and watched with hopeful eyes that someone or something would magically straighten up the plant and put me back at ease.
No such luck... so until this happens anyone with some kind of tomato plant advice feel free to comment, call, text, stop by I'll be home sitting in my driveway staring at this plant until it's lifelessness disappears.
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